Beauty Behind The Horror
by AnonymousWriterSaysHi
Summary: Reid POV: The team is taken, this time locked together in a cellar, given two hours to kill one team member or they all die a painful death. What's a certified genius to do in this situation? Warning: Hotch-Reid pre/eventual slash. Flames aren't appreciated and will be used to cook delicious foods. Read and Review! Rated T for violence and slight language. Based on a dream I had.
1. CH 1

_ I open my eyes to some flickering artificial light, dim yet blinding me. Slowly I adjust and realize I have suffered a head injury which has caused a migraine, an open wound, and –apparently- an inability to rationalize my thoughts properly. Words and phrases swirl around in my subconscious, but they were only fragments and would not fit together properly. I groan, seemingly deafening to my own ears. Perhaps it is just a dream? But this would not describe the pain I was currently sustaining. Imagination? That could be, if I had not turned to my colleague who is currently lying on the cement floor in front of me._

_ "J…JJ?" Ugh, this migraine is near unbearable! I reach to her, hoping, my god I dare say it, praying that she was alive; I cannot imagine life without her. My hand grazes her forehead, and I bite back a grunt from the pain residing in my left side. She's breathing, thank the god I do not believe in. I whisper, which to me seems like a shout of despair, "J-JJ please…open your eyes…" Slowly but steadily, her lids flutter, and a soft sigh spills from her lips. I'm no longer alone!_

_ "S-Spence? Spencer is that you? Oh god my head!" I silence her, wincing as her voice loudly echoes in my ear canals. "Hush, JJ, I think we're safe now." She stares and shudders, as if close to tears, "W-where are we?" If only I knew what to say that would make her refrain from becoming only more frightened, "Jennifer, I wish I knew." My hand squeezed hers tightly as her tears dripped onto the gray rock below, and I could not help but let a few escape as well._

_ My mother used to tell me that fear is the idea that the beauty at the end is unreachable for it is obscured by the horror in front of it. Until today, I believed she was right. Or, well, I hope she is correct. I'd like to know how this will end in beauty._


	2. CH 2

_Jennifer and I sit here, huddled together to keep warm for no one knows how long. The lights are weak and we are both obviously sick, terrified, and slightly malnourished. Suddenly, the lights turn completely on, and we are absolutely disgusted. Our team lies around the room, unconscious and some are bleeding. Jen and I completely forget our problems and race to different members of our team; I to Hotch, Rossi, and Morgan and her to Garcia and Alex. One by one we work them until they reach a semi-conscious state, then move to another. Finally, the other five slowly move to their feet, each reading off different emotions and thoughts. But, in general, the main is terrified. What exactly is happening here?_

_ Derek turns to JJ and I, worry sketched in his expression, "Do you guys know or remember anything?" Aaron-Hotch- stares, "Of course they don't! None of us know how this happened!" I shake my head, showing that I'm in agreement with him; I don't remember anything and I'm the one with an eidetic memory! And of course no one else has any ideas, and so we sit down and do what we do best, devise. "Well, we were obviously kidnapped, but by who?" Rossi looks around the circle and Blake (Alex) takes a deep breath, "Stalker?" Groans spill out at the idea of yet another BAU stalker, for the last case had not turned out so well. My only question, which I was too afraid to ask: What is he or she going to do to us? Will we even make it out alive?_

_ Never in my life have I not remembered an incident or detail, unless I have purposefully pushed it away. Though, for some reason, none of this made sense to me. I somehow knew it wasn't a stalker, and this is only the third time in my life I have had a gut feeling about something. It's as if my brain is trying to alert me of something, something that will not end well. My god, it was right. What is that noise?_


	3. CH 3

_As we sit around the circle, deep in thought, a deep, obviously computer-generated voice spills through the ceiling, telling us there are speakers and cameras, "BAU agents, welcome to The Ring." Hotch looks around the circle suspiciously and Alex asks whatever-it-is, "What is 'The Ring'?" A deep chuckle vibrates through the chamber, "Well Miss Blake," The way he speaks and knows our names makes my skin crawl, "The Ring is the room you're sitting in. It is known to result in the fighting and anger of the peoples in it, so it got its name." Wait, we're going to be fighting with the team? I don't want that! I hate it when the team fights! I'll be sure to tell them to not give him what he wants, even if it is just for my sanity's sake._

_ "H-how long are we going to be stuck in here?" Penelope stares up and her shoulders shake in fear, then suddenly a small TV imbedded in the wall flickers on to show a live stream of us, and a timer set for two hours. Now even I am confused, we're only locked away for two hours? What does he plan to do exactly? Watch us fall apart?_

_ "You have two hours." Well, obviously! "In those two hours," Clink, clink, a crowbar falls in through a vent-type build in the wall, "You must kill one of your team members." Gasps of disgust and fear pass along the team, and I just stare forward. We have to kill someone? "But we're a family! You can't ask that of us!" I didn't realize I was 'thinking out loud' until he grunts in disapproval, "I shall not be shocked if you are the one to go, Doctor Reid. Most of your team has wanted you gone at one time or another." I make a shocked face and look around the group, and Penelope is instantly on it, "Baby that's not true and you know it. We LOVE you." He makes a pitiful groan and laughs, "The others shall beg to differ, right JJ and Derek?" I couldn't believe him. If I did, he'd get what he wants._

_ "Well, as I was saying, before I was rudely interrupted by your fellow genius, if you do not do as I have said in these two hours, you'll all have to die. One. At. A. Time." Oh my gosh, he can't be serious. We all have to die if one of us doesn't die? This won't work we HAVE to do something! "And, not to mention, I would like you all to think. What does everyone have to lose? Two of you do have children you'd be leaving behind." I speak instantly, "JJ, Alex, and Hotch can't die. Nor can Morgan or Garcia…or Rossi. I'm the only one with nothing to leave behind. Kill me." Every single team member shouts in argument, telling me that they wouldn't kill me. Well, then it looks like I'll have to do it myself, because I won't let the others die._


	4. CH 4

_It's almost half an hour before we even begin to truly think about what to do. I simply stay quiet unless one said to kill them, and then I would say no. After about twenty minutes, I just shrug and stand, looking to the weapons he has dropped off: a gun, a crowbar, and a switchblade. He really doesn't care how we die, does he? And, I knew that I was going to anyway, so might as well do it now. "REID DO NOT EVEN THINK ABOUT IT." I turn in shock to Morgan, who was staring at me disappointedly. "Reid, we know you view it as saving the team, but you HOLD this team together. If you die then we're all going to suffer, more than you think." I couldn't believe it, HOTCH said that to me. I hold this team together? I almost tore this team apart! _

_ "I've lived a full, nice life with a great team and fortunate results. Perhaps it's time I went." Hotch stares at Rossi for a moment, and I shake my head, "No. If anyone is going it's me. No arguments." Garcia looks around, "I love you guys, and I'd die for you…" Heh, the whole team shouted 'NO' on that one. "Alright, let's do this logically. Raise one hand if you think it should be Penelope." No hands. "JJ." No hands. "Hotch." No hands. "Derek." One hand from Hotch, with an apology and an explanation that he wouldn't want anyone but if it were last resort he knew he could take it. "Me." One hand, from Garcia. "Rossi." Two hands, Morgan and Rossi. "Reid." Two hands, mine and Alex. I made a confused face, "Who didn't vote?" JJ raised her hand and I stared at her, telling her to vote for me. She began crying, "I don't want anyone on this team to die! It's not right!" I shrugged, "Then your vote goes to whoever Alexx deems." And, Alex put it to me. "It's settled then."_

_ I stalk towards the switchblade-I've always preferred knives. "I love you guys and I'm doing this for you." Morgan groans, "BULLSHIT. If you were doing anything for us you wouldn't want to die! You'd use your fucking GENIUS brain to come up with a plan." "JUST SHUT UP MORGAN I'M TRYING TO HELP!" Oh no, I don't want a fight! DAMNIT!_


	5. CH 5

_ The team sits and fights for fifteen minutes. Well, let's see, thirty plus twenty plus fifteen is Sixty Five! WE HAVE BEEN IN HERE FOR AN HOUR AND FIVE MINUTES. My god! I want to go home. Well, I'll die for this team, but it'd be cool if I didn't too of course. I just love this team so much I would give my life for them. See where I'm coming from? They don't. They think I'm trying to prove something; yeah, my loyalty to this family. Thanks for the faith in me everyone. That was sarcasm, by the way._

_ Then I realize, I have my magic equipment in my messenger bag, which is in the corner. This includes a fake knife which attaches to the body to look real. Oh my god, FAKE IT! This is probably the most genius thing I've ever done! "Hotch, I need to talk to you." I pull the man to the corner and whisper to him what all I have, and how shocked I am that he didn't search my satchel. But, hey, we would have been screwed if he had. Hotch smiles in realization at my point and nods, "Nice work, Doctor Reid. Let's do it." I pull the knife out along with fake blood and stick the capsules of it along the blade of the knife so they would burst once pressed against the body. I show him how the knife works, like how when you press on the blade it pushes inside the handle to look real and how it attaches to the body once completely inside. His only reaction was to nod in approval and take the knife in his own hands, "You kill me when you're ready, Reid."_

_ We casually step to the center of the room and I nod, "Three, two, one!" I push the knife right into his abdomen and he did the best murder interpretation I've ever seen. The knife attaches and the 'blood' rushes out as he falls to the ground. The whole team is screaming, thinking of course I have actually killed the one and only Aaron Hotchner. Of course I am biting back laughter and cough out, "I'm sorry Aaron. I had too." He winks and groans, "It's alright…" Then, he lays his head on the ground and closes his eyes, and the team just stares in horror._


	6. CH 6

_ Once he saw footage of the death, I run to the corner and we hear his footsteps. Soon, a secret doorway presses open and he steps inside, wearing a mask and gloves, "I see you made your choice." I take a deep breath, "Yeah, you." He stands up straight in shock as Hotch looks up and smiles evilly, "Surprise!" Then, our capturer is on the ground, obviously dead and I stand above his body with a bloody crowbar._

_ Derek has to pull me off the UNSUB as I continue to bash him in the skull, over and over again, blood splattering everywhere. I cry, and scream, and lose my ability to rationalize what I'm doing and once the crowbar is removed from my bloodied hands, I fall to my knees and stare blankly. How exactly are you supposed to feel when you kill the man who was going to kill the ones you love? I'm not sad, but I'm not happy either. I'm…calm, settled, maybe even a little relieved, but I'm also disgusted. Not once…did I blink. I took a man's life, a murderer's but still, and it didn't affect me in the least._

_ I sit on my knees for I don't know how long, the team deciding to leave me be for a moment. Except, strangely, Aaron. "Reid…" I look at the elder man, his deep brown eyes gazing at me, as if he could see right through me. It was a feeling I often had in the sight of Aaron Hotchner, and it wasn't one I wanted to analyze. "Reid. You did what you had to. You saved this team." A chuckle passes my lips, but there was no sincerity. It was more of a sound of pity and disappointment, "H-…Aaron, I didn't even…question…" His arm wraps comfortingly around my shoulders, and I –subconsciously I will have you know- lean into the embrace. I feel…safe here, with him. But that doesn't mean anything! He's had my back for almost ten years. Of course I'm going to trust him, and of course Penelope is wrong. I don't FEEL anything towards him…Heh…heh…_


	7. CH 7

_ Soon enough I hear the sirens outside, and JJ wraps me up in a blanket and pulls me to my feet, holding me close. I hear a small chuckle behind me, and I realize Morgan had come inside too (__**AN: Watch it you perverts! Clean I have you know!**__) and he's smiling softly, "Come on Hero, let's get you home." Home, now THAT sounds nice. Maybe wrapped up in the arms of my godson *cough* and boss*cough*. Maybe JJ will let me watch Henry; he could stay the night with me! _

_ Now I'm standing outside, breathing steadily as the EMTs examine me. I'm not a big fan of hospitals, but I know there was no way out of this one. Then BAM! Everything changed. People were screaming and the building was burning and…I couldn't breathe at all now. Aaron hadn't come out from what I had seen. What if he was still inside? I scream at the top of my lungs, calling for all of my team mem…family, seeing Alex and David being currently examined by another set of EMTs, their eyes containing the same fear my heart has. JJ and Penelope run to me, crying and I can't help but hold them close and tell them what I wanted to hear myself 'Everything's going to be alright.' Now I can see Morgan too, and…AARON! I run away from the girls, and instantly I'm in the most wonderful embrace of the most magnificent being I know. He whispers comforting thoughts to me, telling me that everyone was safe and sound. I can breathe again, and my reason is currently holding me close to his chest._

* * *

_ I'm home once again._


	8. CH 8

_I open my eyes and the light burns. The last thing I remember was Aaron assisting me to the ambulance before it went black...if it wasn't all a dream. This wouldn't be the first time I had a horrible nightmare that seemed a tad too real. But, the artificial white radiating from above tells me I'm in a hospital...Eh._

_Aaron is the first thing to greet me as I grunt and twist my head away from the light, and he just...smiles. He has a gorgeous smile. "Reid, Spencer! You're awake!" He calls for a doctor and enters some unfamiliar brunette woman holding a clip board, and I just groan. I really want to be alone...well, with Aaron. She speaks to Aaron-most likely about my condition, but I can't process what she's saying. Everything's slow and blurry, like I'm not quite cognizant yet. Hey, I can think enough to use the word cognizant! That's gotta mean something! I feel...cold, metal. She's checking my lung function, listening for any issues. She's telling me something too...but I can't understand. But his voice, I hear perfectly fine._

_"Spencer, do as she says. Take deep breaths, tell us if it hurts." If it hur...OW. What happened to my chest? Oh! I said that out loud! And she heard me! "You passed out at the scene, took some damage to your ribs." I think that's what she said. I close my eyes, suddenly very tired, and she leaves me alone with Aaron. Suddenly, I'm not so tired anymore..._


	9. CH 9

_ Aaron Hotchner, straight male, once married with child, supposedly currently in relationship…is holding my hand. Yeah, sure, okay…Morgan, Garcia, Emily, and JJ have all held my hand before…but it's different. I feel…calm. It's like…I'm holding the hand of a lover. Something that I may have felt with Maeve if she hadn't…I won't discuss that right now. _

_ "Reid, I'm so sorry this had to happen to you. You've been through more hell than any of us and you're the youngest for God's sake! But, I swear to you, this won't happen again. I will not let you keep suffering like this." All I can do is squeeze his hand, telling him that I don't blame him for any of this. And he understands. "I know, you're thinking that it's no one's fault but your own, but that isn't true. We should have done something…" I cough out, and it hurt but it's worth it, "There's nothing anyone could have done." He smiles sadly, and I place his hand to my lips. Oh my god…I'm going to hell. I'm…does this count as flirting? I'm flirting with my straight boss, going to hell._

_ Aaron chuckles and kisses my hand back, "Thanks Spence." MOTHER OF SWEET BLESSED JESUS, wait…MOTHER OF SCIENTIFIC IMPROBABILITY. That fits me better. My heart is racing, my breathing shallows, and I blush worse than I ever have in my life. His lips were warm, and softer than you would have expected. And I felt them…on my body…without any means of force or drunken persuasion-Do. Not. Ask. Well, I can't go to hell now, I'm already in heaven. *sigh*_

_ Oh my god, I just turned into Garcia. I'm done with the romance novel…especially the erotic ones._

**_AN: I'm sorry but I had to. *hides* /shot_**


	10. CH 10

_ I wake up once again after a wonderful nap, only this time I feel this weird pressure on my stomach, before I even open my eyes. Then I hear it, the giggle and feel a small truck moving along my arm, and I know who it is. I slip one eye open to stare at the awesome four year old occupying my abdomen, and all I can do is whisper, "Miss me Kiddo?"_

_ "UNCLE SPENCER!" Henry screams loud enough for the entire ward to hear, and I am bombarded with hugs. He squeezes and holds me like it's my last day on Earth and I do the same right back, laughing although it's putting me in quite a bit of pain. I set him on my lap and sit up, staring down at him contently, "Hey Squirt. Have you been good for your mommy and daddy?" Henry smiles and picks his little toy car back up, "Uh huh, I've been helping Mama get all better! But I missed you the most Unca Spencer." Oh gosh, this kid… "Henry, I missed you the most too. I'm glad to be back."_

_ I spend the next hour sitting on the bed playing with Henry and his cars, trying my best to make him laugh. And he does, a lot. It's kind of fulfilling. But, little do I realize Garcia, JJ, Will, and Morgan are standing outside my room with cameras, recording and taking pictures of us playing. I guess my inner child is a bit embarrassing. They jump in and laugh as I scream and throw one of his cars at Morgan, and JJ kneels at my bed, "How are you feeling Spence?" "Eh." That's about all I can say, really. Garcia hugs me tightly and I lean into the touch, smiling and running my fingers through Henry's now-short hair. This…this is what I live for. This beautiful, wonderful boy. I can't wait till I have kids, if I ever do. I want them very much._

_ Soon, though, JJ, Will, and Henry head home, and Garcia sends Morgan out. She smiles and sits beside me on the bed, and I lean against her, "He's one heck of a kid." Pen smiles and kisses my head, humming in agreement. Then I see Aaron talking to a nurse outside, and when he sees me sitting up, he smiles bright. Which, of course, makes me smile right back. And, with my 'wonderful' luck, Penelope sees it, "Oh…" I stare at her, near horrified, since she's the only person who knows about my feelings for Hotch. Then, she stands and shuts my door, sliding the blinds down too. Flop, flop, she falls onto the bed and smirks at me, which scares me more than being back in that house, "Girl and Gay talk time, huh?"_

_…Oh god._

**_AN: HEHE! This next chapter...Gonna be interesting! _**


	11. CH 11

_ "__G-G-Garcia! N-no way!" She just smiles at me, telling me I'm not going to get my way. "Tell me about your utter desire to get in the slacks of our Unit Chief, and don't leave out any details." I splutter and cough, staring mortified as she remains unaffected by the fact that she just stated…Oh my god. "I-I have no idea what you're talking about Penelope!" Oh no my voice! It rose telling that I'm lying! She, GOD DAMNIT, noticed, "Liar. You want to get some with Hotch." Can my cheeks get any redder? Can she even legally ASK this stuff?_

_For ten minutes, she gripes at me, saying some things that I'd rather not think about 'you wanna bend over his desk and give a thorough explanation of the art of sexual sado-masochism.' 'How about find a new purpose for the conference room table?' Oh my god, I'm shuddering at the things she's stating. Finally, Penelope just groans, "Come on! You have to have thought about him in /some/ sexual way!" Well, perhaps the explicit dreams in which I wake and require a cold shower or my laptop-depending on what I feel like doing-could be described as such, but I won't discuss them with anyone! _

_Now, currently I'm enjoying a sucker and Penelope cocks her head, "You want to do that to him, don't you?" Do what to who? What does my snack have to do with any of this rather odd discussion? I stare at her quizzically, and pull the sucker away, "What?" She points at the delicious treat in my hand, "Hotch, you want to do that to his…you know..peni.." "OUT."_


	12. CH 12

_ I've been in this hospital officially for three days, one of which I was unconscious. I woke up rather early this morning, considering I'm actually a fan of sleeping in. I woke up at seven, watching the sun just barely rise above the treeline. It was a beautiful sight, and I find it hard to believe I don't enjoy these little things often. Well, I would find it hard to believe if I didn't have this work schedule. Well, lying in bed is where I am, listening to my iPod and watching the morning begin outside. Today I leave for home, and I can't wait to be out of this blasted place. Maybe I can stay with Aaron until I'm back on my feet. I don't exactly feel comfortable being alone right now, understandably._

_ I hear knocking at my door, and figure it's just a nurse coming to see my wounds. But, no, it's…Aaron. "Hello Reid. I just wanted to come see how you were doing." I smile, and notice his hands are behind his back but choose not to say anything right now, "I'm feeling much better, thank you." His face formed into a small smile, something which was once rare but now, at least in my case since the incident, has been an often occurrence. I wonder if I'm the one putting a smile on that face…_

_ Hotch sits beside me on the bed and pulls from behind his back a bouquet of flowers, white roses and Lily Casa Blancas, my favorite flowers. Well, that was an unexpected surprise. Not to mention the white chocolate and peanut butter treats he gave me too. I love a sweet man, "A-Aaron..? This is such a sweet surprise. Thank you so much!" His cheeks tinted pink and he turned away so I wouldn't see, but I was shocked. "Garcia told me your favorite flowers; I was shopping for a 'get well'-esque present." I smiled and touched his hand, and he HELD my hand. It was the best feeling I've ever had in my life. But, I wasn't going to say anything. I just smiled and held his tighter._


	13. CH13

_ Not too long after Aaron and I's discussion, the nurse enters and informs me that I was ready to head home. FINALLY! She says I have to have someone drive me and stay with me for at least a week, and that's fine by me. Considering Aaron volunteered to keep me with him and Jack. I find myself rather excited to be home with these two. They're both great people and I'm lucky to have such wonderful people as my loved ones. My friends._

_ Aaron helps me to the car and we're heading for home. The radio plays softly and I find myself dozing into a nice sleep, and I can practically hear the smile on Aaron's face. His hand lies on top of my knee, rubbing in a soothing way, which is only making me want to sleep more. "Rest, Spencer. We'll be home soon." Well, who am I to argue with that? I smile and he touches my hair, much gentler than I would have expected. I feel so at piece now. It's…indescribable._

_ Soon enough, Aaron's shaking my shoulder, and I just grunt. Psh, please, I am NOT getting up. He chuckles and steps out of the SUV. Is he gonna leave me in here…wait, he's coming around to this side. He's opening the door, and…unbuckling me? What? OH! Oh he's carrying me! How sweet…Er, I mean, that's nice of him…cause I'm tired and in pain. I'm a man…we don't say that stuff. Well, he's carrying me bridal style and I snuggle 'manly way' into his chest, sighing in content. I see that there aren't any lights on, so Jack is either asleep or not home. And, judging by Aaron's acts, he isn't home. I feel myself being sat on the couch and make a sad sound, like I didn't want him to put me down. So, he rests behind me and rubs softly at my temple, and I'm out again._


	14. CH 14

_ Soon, I'm awake and HUNGRY. Like my stomach is yelling at me and I'm not joking. Aaron's arm is around me and it feels comforting. He smiles at me and my stomach makes a grumbling noise, and Aaron laughs, "Someone's hungry. I'll make breakfast." He stands and BAM! I'm hit with a seriously bad revelation, "Um…Aaron?" He turns and smiles at me, but stops when he sees the dejection in my eyes, "What's wrong Spence?" He sits down beside me and holds my hand, and the shock on his face is inevitable as I pull away roughly, "We can't do this."_

_ We sit in silence for a few moments, he just stares at me, "We can't…Spencer why?" I tear up and shake my head, "I won't be the reason you and Beth end your relationship. I won't." He laughs, and for the second time ever in my life I want to knock him senseless. This wasn't funny, this was him having an affair! "Spencer, you have nothing to worry about. Beth and I aren't…seeing each other anymore." I sigh in relief, and he stands again, "Now, do you want breakfast?" I smirk, and he's rather caught off guard, "No, I want something else. Something that I have never requested in my life." He stares at me curious and motions for me to continue, and I roll my eyes, "Aaron I want to make love." And, that look in his eyes, tells me I'll get my request /very/ soon._


	15. CH 15

_**AN: Alright, there are sexual encounters in this chapter so if you don't wish to read the malexmale love that is ReidxHotch, please skip ahead to the next chapter. Nothing explicit, heck there aren't any details, it's just...read and find out if you wanna know. OH! And a shoutout to an awesome reader TheMysteriousGeek2345, they have been A.W.E.S.O.M.E! Bam I send my love and cookies!**_

_ His lips gently cover mine, and it's like I'm on cloud nine. I can't breathe, all I can do is pull him close as I possibly can. He feels strong, dependable, and wonderful under my fingertips. This is a moment in which I'm very grateful for my eidetic memory, and I feel his hands slip beneath my loose T-shirt. His hands are calloused from all the work he's done over the years but it's rather arousing and calming. It feels natural as my hands slip into his hair and pull softly, "N-ngh, b-bedroom." He smiles and picks me up, and I wrap my legs around his waist, kissing him passionately. Our tongues battle for dominance and soon his lips move to my jawline, making me mewl softly. I find myself on a bed, and I can only think one thing, 'This is real.' _

_ Our bodies seem to move in sync, the clothes scattered around the room and the smell of sweat a bit heavy in the area. It's a harmony coming from between the sheets, moaning, screaming, the release and dive into the abyss inching closer and closer. Then comes a single cry, from myself, and the end has come. I'm falling to the world as Aaron calls my name, like music to my ears and I'm surrounded with his warmth. I'm tired now, and he's holding me close, the heat of the room dying down at the end of our passionate experience. It was a taste of heaven, and I wouldn't change this for the world._

_ I hadn't seen or experienced real beauty and serenity until this moment._


	16. CH 16

_ I've lied awake for almost an hour, unable to close my eyes and sleep. The nightmares of blood drenched walls and cries of my family as they fall into the never ending blackness…they keep me awake. I'm close to crying; I keep hearing the screams and the blood on my hands. I look down every few moments just to make sure that there isn't any red on my bare body. And, I suffer alone…Aaron is already asleep beside me. It's nice, I hear his snoring and sighs of content, and it makes me feel a little more at peace with myself._

_ I feel Aaron move beside me, and his eyes open slightly, "Can't go back to sleep?" I sigh; I hate it when he can read me. "Uh…nightmares. I'm fine though." His arms wrap around me, and I know that he doesn't believe me. Well, I am lying, and he is a profiler, "Liar. Wanna talk about them?" Talk about what? I don't even quite know what's going on with me. It's morbid, frightening, and the last thing I want to do is think about them any more than necessary. "Something's just…wrong with me. I close my eyes, and I see things that didn't happen. Things in the worst case scenario." Aaron sits up, staring at me like he would an UNSUB, "Well, the idea that you see the worst case scenario of the incident tells me there's something you're hiding about it. Did something happen that night that you haven't told anyone?"_

_ "No. You were there, what could I possibly have to hide?"_

**_Next Chapter is a FLASHBACK ladies and gents! Telling ya and it'll say it at the top! What could there possibly be to hide? Read and find out!_**


	17. CH 17

**_I'm back on this story everyone! I was suffering from a bit of writer's block for my Criminal Minds fandom, but I think it's gone now._**

_~~``**^^Flashback^^**``~~_

_ I stand over his bloody body, breathing rapidly. His eyes are open and blank, his soul out of his body. I feel close to tears, and I can't tell a soul. I, Spencer Reid, am a murderer. And we have the body to prove it. No one will believe me, and they'll say I did it for the sake of our lives, but they don't see it the way I do._

_ Let me put it to you in simple terms: He was alive and so was I. Instead of using my apparently genius head to come up with something, I bashed his in. I…I can't…what now? Do I live forever knowing, suffering this guilt in silence? Or do I tell, and see to it that one day I understand that I am not blamed. Perhaps…perhaps I'm wrong._

_ Let's just hope I never. EVER. Have to do that again._

_~~END FLASHBACK~~_

_ "Spencer, Spencer wake up! Spencer you're having a nightmare!" I jolted from my horrid dream and stared into Aaron's concerned eyes. My dream…blood, screams, and my dead lover lying on the floor. I had killed him. "W-what? Where am…I?" His hand caresses my cheek, "You're at my house, Spencer. Tell me about it." I shake my head and he sighs, staring at me. He, from the sincerity of his heart, wants to know, but I won't tell him. Not yet. "I'm okay, Aaron. C-can I have some water?" He steps out of bed and soon out of the room, and I lie back, the soft, plush pillows catching my head. Soon, said pillows and my cheeks are wet with tears, and I can't stop. They just keep falling._

_ Falling, just like me._


	18. CH 18

_ He was back with my water and saw my tears, then ran to comfort me. I just shook my head, "Aaron I have a confession…" His hand was placed against my cheek and he nodded, telling me he was listening, "Aaron I think I'm a murderer and I can't survive with the guilt. I had to kill that man…I didn't blink…" He sighed and I instantly thought he agreed. He knew I had killed that man in cold blood! Did I want to? I wanted to survive, that much I know._

_ "Spencer you saved our lives by doing that. We would all be dead if you hadn't stepped up and been so brave. I know that blood will be on your hands for a while. I understand that, trust me." I couldn't believe it; how could Aaron Hotchner know what it's like to kill someone single-handedly, even if it was to protect someo…oh my god. "Aaron…" _

_ "Yes, Spencer…I felt guilt then too." My eyes widened as realization dawned on me; I had someone who understood, "Did you blink Aaron?" Aaron grimaced and shrugged, and I bit back more tears. Of course he did, he's not some psychopath. Blood may have been shed but he saved his child and sought reprisal for his ex-wife. _

_ "Only because it took me longer to end him."_


End file.
